mertner.com/mamta

Today is Iain’s second birthday. I can’t believe the years have flown by and he has grown to be my little man. Where has my baby gone?

He is so funny and has a great personality and I love him more than I have ever loved anything in the whole of my life (yes - that even includes parma violets!!). He makes me laugh, joyful, and he makes my heart swell with pride.

On the one hand I feel on top of the world, however I also feel very sad too today after reading about the hostage crisis in Russia. I can only begin to imagine the horror those parents must be going through - to know that your child is in the school building and could be murdered any minute.
Noone is allowed to go in - the children must be terrifed. Mothers and fathers just wanting to hold their child and the child just wanting the safety of it’s parents’ arms - I can’t stop thinking about it.

Some of the parents are willing to swap places with their children. I can relate to this - it is an instinct and only those who have children would begin to understand this sentiment. I know I would lay down my life for Iain. Being a mother is truly unconditional love. I never knew the meaning of the words before I had Iain.

Tonight after I have picked him up from nursery I will hold my son tighter than ever and love him even more.

Groan! I am bored and distracted today. More so than other days - which is no mean feat. I can’t think of a subject to Blog about. Sigh - I think my creative juices have dried up (not that there was much to start with).

I feel like a kid who is continually saying “I’m Bored” to their parents and even after having several activites suggested to them - can’t get out of the mood. HELP!

It could just be all the E-numbers I have just ingested via twenty or so Maoam sweets. Why do E-numbers taste so damn good?

So, Iain’s terrible twos have officially started - or so I’m told by his nursery. I did suspect as much but just kept my mouth shut on the matter.

Apparently yesterday he didn’t want to go for lunch and lay down on the floor and screamed. The girls were totally baffled - he hardly ever cries let alone a toddler sized seismic eruption.

Well, things have been tough this week. Last weekend I noticed Iain had a nervous tic - the manic eye blinking kind.

There are many things going on in his little life at the moment.

* We’ve had almost six weeks of visitors on an off - people coming and going.

* He is teething (but then again when is he never teething - it seems to be a neverending thing - but I digress).

* His language skills are coming on leaps and bounds - it amazes me how children can learn to communicate from scratch in several languages (actually he is exposed to three - so it confuses the matter even more).

* I’ve been busy.

Initially I noticed the tic occured when he was watching television. Then I noticed it happened when he was doing anything that required concentration - like puzzles or when he was confused. Poor little mite. It totally freaked me out! I did the usual and looked it up on the Internet and all the links I found were to do with Tourette Syndrome - Jesus! the alarm bells went up. I have memories of my teenage years of watching this documentary on TV about this guy who had TS and he would just go round shouting and swearing at everyone he came across. The source of much amusement to myself and my collegues - sigh! Little did I know that 20 or so years on I would be very interested in the subject. even though I am positive it isn’t TS but just what is known as a transient tic.

Well, it turns out that TS affects a lot of people (in a mild form) and actually a surprisingly large number of people have some tic or another. After reading this, I started thinking back to my childhood and also observing every Tom Dick and Harry. It turns out that I sufferered from the odd tics and obsessive behaviour (as we all have) when I was a kid.

As an adult, when I’m over tired or stressed I tend to frown/grimace a lot and blink my eyes excessively (or I could just be flirting!).

I had this thing as a teenager where if my brother hit me on one side of my body I had to balance it out by getting hit on the other (actually it wasn’t just limited to hitting - any knock would do it) funnily enough when I met [my husband Allan](http://www.mertner.com/allan) it transpired that he also had the very same weird obsession - hmm - the meeting of two kindered spirits or what!

My brother had the eye blinkng tic and so did various other people I have spoken to. Allan clears his throat a lot when he is public speaking and is nevous. A work collegue of mine rapidly bounces his leg up and down - people tap their fingers, play with their hair and bite their nails - all of these can be categorised as tics or obsessions.

Anyway where was I? So I decided Iain is going to have my undivided attention - I think that is what was affecting him - he wants to be with me all the time after nursery - he doesn’t see me in the day so it is only natural that he wants to spend time with his mum and play with her. I think I ws overestimating how much I can actually do with a toddler around. A full time job, cooking, keeping things tidy. It is a lot of work and I need to re-organise my life so I can fit things in nicely and in priority - Iain comes first. I can cook while he is eating food - so quick meals are the answer - any ideas will be more than welcome

He is in bed by eight so I can spend a few uninterrupted hours with him - playing and doing what he wants - it makes me feel less guilty and he feels much better.

I tried this yesterday and he didn’t watch any tv all day and the tic was hardly there (only near bedtime when he was getting tired). So that was a good result!

Anyway - I just wanted to get this off my chest and I feel better now

Oh yes - he is a little obsessive compulsive - but who isn’t?? And do you blame him with geeky parents like me and Allan?

So I’m 15 days over my stop smoking date. Why is it that I only ever remember that I am supposed to be giving up when I have just finished a smoke?

Every morning I wake up, put on the coffee and go outside for the first one of the day.

Then I remember I’m supposed to be quitting - bugger!

I don’t know how I am ever going to do this. want my son to grow up remembering that I smelt like the yardley lavender collection (or palma violets) - not like Fag Ash Lil!

Oh well, wish me luck - cough cough splutter splutter!